Happy New year 2013....my breast is hot and leaking!

As 2012 gave way to 2013, I found myself in deep prayer...so I rang in the new year in prayer...deep meaningful prayer, somehow marshaling the powers that be, to be with me and my loved ones in the coming year. I went out at around midnight and took in the splendour of the bright moon up above....I looked at, and listened to the fireworks in the distance. As I reflect on these moments I will admit there was a level of foreboding within my spirit....I knew not what was to come for me in the new year, and honestly, I can't really say it was any different from any other year.....I tend to be kind of introspective as the New Year dawns! I eventually fell asleep, rosary in hand, chanting the "Hail Mary and Our Father" prayers that are so firmly imbeded in my mind....Catholic upbringing and continued practice of the Catholic faith! With the morning, came the excitement of St. Kitts National Carnival grand parade.....I was asked to judge the parade at one of the points along the parade route! After making some pottery, (I was working on a 250 piece pottery order), I headed downtown! The parade started very late and it was almost dark by the time the troupes got to my location! I thoroughly enjoyed it...the colours, the costumes, the revellers, and I judged as fairly as on can under the circumstances....darkness was almost making it impossible to see some of the troupes!  I enjoyed waving to friends and dancing to the popular song by local band Small Axe (do de DCH....drop cover, holdon)...I had jammed for six hours straight jouvert morning(before daybreak dancing in the streets) to that tune which ended up winning the title of road march 2012-2013....Yeah! With the night sky getting darker, I held on to my daughter's hand and headed home. I spied a couple girlfriends at the gas station....one of them was actually the owner...we chatted about carnival and before I left them I mentioned that my breast had been hurting and was actually quite hot, and had been leaking! I was somewhat worried but not too worried at that time since I felt it was just a simple infection of my milk ducts and possibly, it had been either badly handled or that my five year old had jabbed it too hard! My girlfriend wasn't taking this lightly...her mother had just been through an ordeal and was now a breast cancer survivor. She encouraged me to head straight to the hospital....I did! After a long wait, I explained to a nurse my problem and was later taken into a Doctor....a nice young girl who is my friend on facebook and who I used to meet up with at the gym, regularly! She opted to treat me with an IV of antibiotics, a painkiller and told me to see the surgeon after the holidays! I think my anxiety began at that moment! The rest of the month of  January has been one crazy blur.....Dr. Cameron discovered the lump on Thursday January 3rd...I went to the radiologist, after a miserable weekend on Monday, January 7th...was told it looked like stage zero cancer but go back to the Surgeon, schedule a biopsy, he wasn't too sure...it may be just infection....I felt like I was in another body...this couldn't be what I was hearing....I walked in a daze...face forlorn, body drained, to the Doctor's office! We scheduled the biopsy for later that week! I got on the phone to a couple of my friends...to my son,,,my sisters! This could not be happening! There was talk of flying to New York...I was totally against that...leaving my children was and my work was not an option...I think there was some measure of hysteria! I quickly organised as best I could, my daughters and my work and gave in to pressure...... on Wednesday, January 9th, I was on AA direct flight to JFK! My sis picked me up and we headed to my son's apartment! After talking and planning we went to a hospital ER! I was seen and discharged with a reference to go to the breast clinic! I woke up on the 10th energized and ready to take on the world.....opened my Bible on Ezekiel where the word told me "the vision will come true"....My sis from Canada had arrived during the night and was curled up next to me!  How could this thing be upsetting so many people's world!! I told her how I felt....about my vision for dealing with this as given to me by the spirit!!! I was ready to go see my own friendly surgeon, who had a practice in Brooklyn and who had handled my gallbladder surgery in Nevis in July 2011....With my two sisters and son, I travelled to his office where he performed a core biopsy and for the next few days, as I waited on the results, I moved from being in high spirits to diving into the dumps! My sis suggested that I go to the breast clinic the next day, Friday 11th....I did! Saw a doctor who recommended a mammogram and ultrasound (seems like I had to go through the whole process again)...I couldn't get an appointment till the 23rd of January...well really...I will be leaving for St. Kitts that day...go figure)!  Results day finally rolled around, the following Tuesday....I was beside myself...it was absolute torture....prayer had been the only thing that made me feel better....I braved the cold outdoors and went to a Catholic church a couple blocks from my son's apartment...I sat in a chapel and prayed...a homeless man shared his story and asked me for some bus money...I knew I should not be taken in by this sort of thing but how could I refuse a homeless man in the Chapel! It felt good to do that, as I prayed for good news for myself! Well, ask and it will be given to you....at 4pm, I spoke to the Doctor, upon my return to the apartment and I got good news....the findings was Stromal Fibrosis....I felt nothing...I didn't know what that meant but it sounded better than hearing the big "c" word! We talked about doing the open biopsy that coming Thursday for further clarity,,,,so another week of internal torture was ahead! My sister and I took the long drive to his office on Thursday, and she waited for me as I went through my first wide awake surgery! With my eyes fastened on the white ceiling above, braving furtive glaces at the Doctor and attending nurse I endured the experience! The technology fascinated me...I left the clinic with no bandage just a gluey substance covering the barely noticeable stitch-work!  My sis and I felt upbeat as we walked the beastly cold Brooklyn road back to her car!  I returned to my island home on the 23rd as scheduled....due to The holiday and The Inauguration of President Obama's 2nd term of office....the results wasn't ready on Tuesday!  The doctor was on the flight with me, for his scheduled holiday in the islands!  At approximately 1.30pm, Thursday 24th January, 2013, the phone rang, my heart leaped instinctively! At the sight of his name I nearly collapsed...it was the doctor.....he gave me the news.....Invasive ductal carcinoma was present.....breast cancer!  A week later, thanks to prayer, family, friends and google....I am calmer, informed and ready for the journey ahead....2013 will not be a walk in the park! I am grateful for the friends who looked after my children, for the prayers being delivered by so many, for the support of my family, for the support of friends and especially to the Dominicans employed at ECCB who are already committing to a raising funds to assist me, for the survivors who give me hope everyday....I too hope to one day say........I am a survivor!