legs and ultra micro minis skirts

I guess at some point in the lives of some women, especially some young women the purchase and wear of ultra micro mini skirt becomes a must! I must now be at the age where other ladies use to be, when I got 'the look' for wearing a short dress or skirt to church...because today, though I am quite accepting of the fashion choices most young women and men make in clothing, I find myself drawn....not in a good way, to the ultra mini skirts which are donned by today's women! If it is not my age and level of acceptance, then maybe I am thinking critical thoughts because I feel they are in fact assaulting my eyesights! Or maybe it's because I am working so damn hard....working out in the gym, running etc.... to recapture some of the musculature which I possessed in my youth....that I really wish, I didn't have to look upon legs in various degrees of obesity and ghastly cellulite! Bare, naked legs, bulging under extremely short micro minis!!! I heard somewhere, it is against the law for boys to wear their pants below their bum! Well, a similar law should be passed for women with unattractive legs. I wonder whether they take a peep in the mirror...a full length mirror before they exit their homes, or do they bring very good friends along with them when they purchase their outfits....friends who will tell them...."guurrllll....dis ain't for you"! In the wisdom of my years, ladies, I humbly share with you that exposure of legs....the wearing of skirts and dresses which barely cover your arse is NOT SEXY for all who wear them! It can be viewed as a FASHION 'FAUX PAS' for those who aren't blessed with the right assets to pull off the wearing of this particular piece of clothing that so many of you deign to wear!

I may have 'rocked' an ultra shortie or two at various times after passing the age of 35...but it would have been as a one time fun thing or a dare! But, the truth is though, I know I have been blest with good legs! Today however, I won't be found dead in a micro mini, because despite endless hours in the gym, I know that my legs are NOT what they used to be in my 20's...lol! Also, I prefer a modest skirt that falls a few inches above the knee....far more sexy than just below one's backside! I am also very aware that to get the designation of being 'tres sexy', one would have to be dressed in clothes that accentuate her beautiful bod! Great legs....and let me stress....great legs...which simply means taut, toned, sculpted legs, with glowing skin on an equally toned and sculpted body...a body type that is slim and sexxy or voluptuous and sexy...is IT! I know many will say that 'our' black men...or 'our' Caribbean men love 'us' the bigger the better but keep in mind, the healthier the better too! While there is some truth re the black man and fat thing, the idea of keeping the body covered so that only 'he' can cast his eye upon the whole enchilada, would be a woman's wisest choice! I don't have to see it, whether I want to or not....because as soon one takes a step out of their casa... they are in the land of Joe Public and are therefore under the eyeball of others who would prefer not to be assaulted by the view of the visibly unattractive!

Yep...Carla T here keeping it real, as always!!

report card response!!

Getting my 13 year old daughter's report card gave me cause to ponder many things. She received, as I expected a terrible report. I must confess, that most times I have felt helpless as I have watched her increasing lack of interest in what should be her main concern. I have wondered, why can't she focus her energies on school work! why can't she use the computer as a tool for research rather than a tool for social interaction! When I have decided to give her limited or no access to the computer, except for work, she very quickly finds herself in an entertainment space. I have encouraged talked, shared my own experience as a school child, given her space in which to work and taught methods of how to study effectively but to date, nothing has worked. My wish, and I know that this is the only thing that can happen....a light bulb has to go off in her head wherein she recognizes that to succeed she has to apply herself.

Now although the report was no surprise, it was the fact that she was promoted that really got me riled up! The grades and the comments showed that this child should not be promoted, but she was. She was promoted to a higher form, but a lower stream. I am getting to see first hand the terrible tragedy of the St. Kitts school system. Here is a child who entered high school in what is called the 3rd stream.....Children are streamed, based on their Test of Standards score from grade 3 to grade 6 and are given a placement within the high schools depending on how bright they are. I have spoken out against this system for years...I see it at the beginning of segregation...the creation of class structures....of cliques and gangs... but being faced with whether to send my child into this system or not, I made the terrible mistake of thinking she could succeed in that environment and that we could work together to achieve success. I had seen my eldest son survive it and I thought she could too. It was hoped that she would navigate her way out of 1a3 and into a 1a2....it never happened. It didn't happen in 2nd form, nor in 3rd form! Now she is about to enter 4th form with a navigation downward into 4a4! She had been plonked into a group of bright creative like-minded youth who were all seen as unfocused, very troublesome and noisy. Now she is to be sent to a lower stream with the large majority of her compardres and I am finally facing the fact that while this system may work for some it definitely doesn't work for all and at the end of the day only the fittest will survive. The choice I made three years ago now has to change.

While I have observed the lack of focus of the children in the lower streams and the lack of care of the school administration for these children, I do believe that had they been given the opportunity to compete within a system where a percentage of all levels were within a class setting, they may have stood a better chance of survival....both academically and socially. Instead, at the end of the five year period, the schools will get good scores in the CXC's Caribbean Certificate Council, but it will come from the brightest and the best. What happens to the others...Some will pass 7, 6, 5 0r less subjects, others have failed totally, while some would have been kicked out of school along the way, some would have been sent to project Strong or to AVEC (Advanced Vocational Education)! At the same time, on a social level, children who would have played together in pre-school and primary school would hardly associate at the end of the five year period depending on where they fell in the streams.

Last night, I spoke gently to my daughter. I told her, and I really hope she gets it, that I understand her because I had a similar experience in my own youth. I had been sitting there contemplating how to handle this situation, and I recalled that when I was around 9 or 10 I had been put into a B stream in primary school. I worked my way out of it and back into an A stream the following year. My lessons still had to be learn't when I failed math at the Common Entrance Exam and had to spend another year in primary school, only to get a Bursary(partial scholarship) on that occasion. I spoke to her hoping she would understand that it takes hard work to achieve success! At the end of the day, no one want to fail.....yesterday when I showed her the report I saw the disappointment on her face and I saw the tears and a sadness in her entire demeanor as she walked off....not even wanting lunch! So I know, that somewhere deep within her is a desire to succeed! She needs to recognize it, embrace it and work to achieving this success. I have decided that for this summer, I will go back to practice that never fails....get her to read as any books as possible, do her chores and attend summer camp! She will not get much access to the computer and phone. I am hoping to encourage her to create her own blogspot and write as much as possible. My plan for the coming week, albeit a bit late but I will be looking at the possibility of having her attend a private school.

This time is a challenge but it is a time I must embrace and handle effectively.

from clan or tribe....cliques or gang....who are we?

A clan is a group of people united by actual or perceived kinship and descent.

A tribe, viewed historically or developmentally, consists of a social group existing before the development of, or outside of, states.
Many anthropologists use the term tribal society to refer to societies organized largely on the basis of kinship, especially corporate descent groups

A clique (pronounced /ˈkliːk/, also /ˈklɪk/ (U.S.)) is an inclusive group of people who share common interests, views, purposes, patterns of behavior, or ethnicity.[1] A clique as a reference group can be either normative or comparative. Membership in a clique is typically exclusive, and qualifications for membership may be social or essential to the nature of the clique.

There are street gangs, which are people with similar backgrounds and motivations.[34] The term “street gang” is commonly used interchangeably with “youth gang,” referring to neighborhood or street-based youth groups that meet “gang” criteria. Miller (1992) defines a street gang as “a self-formed association of peers, united by mutual interests, with identifiable leadership and internal organization, who act collectively or as individuals to achieve specific purposes, including the conduct of illegal activity and control of a particular territory, facility, or enterprise."[35]

As I listened to a reformed gang member on The People's show last night, I heard him say that this thing (the gang thing) started not as a gang but as friends looking out for friends. I had heard words like that before from others. I began to think about us.... human beings and our need to come together in groups and the fact that this has been forever a phenomena. I wondered whether this new 'gang' culture among young people could really be solved by persons who belonged to groups of people who are so far removed from the reality of the 'gang' members' life. This young man, seemed like a good start, he was coming from within to speak it like it is. He had somehow found a way to reach 'brothers' within his space, his reality and bring to an end a war, at least on a personal level, which may have led to his demise. I am still worried for him, so I pray that he will continue to survive and bring change from within and also change in the minds of his peers.

The fact, however, is that we humans have always seemed to better exist in some sort of group setting. From the early days of life in tribes, clans or bands, we would have learnt our places within these structures. Many different forms of societies have evolved over the ages and has kept the human being in its defined place within these structures throughout civilization. Closest to my mind and my reality is the 'clique'. I remembered my youth. I recall hanging with a group of girls....my best friends.... throughout my childhood who were my world. I think we were friendly, popular and well-known throughout our school life. Sometimes, I would switch gears and find new friends....girls from my neighbourhood or another 'hood' but not necessarily what my mom would call the most savoury characters...other times, I became close to girls who were 'better heeled'...then to other friends would criticize and say they are 'bourgeois'! It seems to me that we are encouraged to stay within our groups....people we know, maybe parents went to school together, work together or attend the same church or are together in some type of club themselves. In the meantime, as we stay within these 'cliques' we are unaware of other people. We may know people by face but not know their name, far less the circumstances under which they live, work or play. After leaving school many of us are surprised to bump into former schoolmates who sat with us on school benches yet we have not a clue who they are because we just did not pay any attention to those outside our circle.

So now to get to the real meat and bones of this piece! If the above is a true fact, then I can surmise that we have not a clue who belongs to 'gangs' because we are too busy in our own 'cliques'! We know all know 'our' world! The structure of both worlds are the very similar based on the meanings I gleaned from Wikipedia. The 'gang' world is similar to the 'clique' world except that their outlook on life is only very slightly different. They come together based on similarilites. The nature and stucture is exclusive. They need, want, do and feel the same things but most is achieved through a different methods. The education, skills and the demarcation on the social ladder of the gang as opposed to those who 'clique' together is such that they might only meet public places and one would hardly be aware of the other or they may meet due to violence.

The effects of violent gang behavior on the whole of society, in recent time, is taking it's toll, and many cliques are spending time trying their best to see how this phenomena could end. Many espouse very creative ways in which this could be stopped! But I believe as the young man said last night....respect in needed, someone else mentioned love and acknowledgement! Can we really do care for our fellowman...is that actually possible in these times...has it ever been possible? Is this, what we see happening now, a natural progression of a human condition which we have allowed to become so deeply rooted within us that today we are reaping the reward....A change can be made but it will have to be a change of a very human kind...a change from within the very core of who we are!

Do we really have time to teach today's youth?

The other night, I couldn't fall asleep! For some reason my mind ended up drifting to the days of my youth. I am not sure whether my nostalgia emanated from the fact that I had just spent an hour talking to my younger sister in Canada, or the fact that earlier that afternoon I had observed my daughter playing with her new friend who lives across the street. Whatever the reason, the fact is it drifted to a time when my sisters and our friends spent endless hours together. Times were so much more different to that which my children experience today. We seemed to have had lots more freedom to do things,to explore and become ourselves. Once housework and school work was done, we played many, many games....marble hole, hopscotch, rounders or hand-games. Ludo, snakes and ladders and monopoly were our board-games. I particularly liked to read and would sometimes disappear into my own world of Enid Blyton, or Mandy, Bunty or Tammy comic books...these were weekly comic books which came from England and was sold at the local bookstore. Eventually, I would steal one of my mom's Mills and Boon novels and curl up under her huge mahogany bed and devour it up...there was no turning back after that first time...I grew to have a passionate love for romance novels and later movies. We had no television. I think I remember when one of our friends down the street got the first one and we would crowd by their front door and peep into the house to view the scratchy black and white screen. Or sometimes we would go by our great-uncle and his wife, a Grenadian, on a Sunday afternoon and look at a movie with our other cousins after having our share of the delicious ice-cream she made. We loved the radio and enjoyed the children's programs and our goal was to get on the show at least once. We created our own talent shows in the yard. The boys would make complete drum sets and other band instruments out of milk tins and other pots and pans. I remember belting out Bob Marley's "No woman no cry" like a real movie star one Sunday afternoon. I loved summer holidays with almost daily sojourns to the sea or the river or both....As I think about it I realize how we really had no major needs. We were happy to receive a book, doll, or marbles, or a game at Christmas time. A nice card, along with our mothers baking a nice birthday cake was quite a treat. I use to be really happy when my mom allowed me to spend a Sunday at my best friend's house....These were wonderfully idyllic times which as I reflect on them makes me realize how privileged I was.

Life has changed so much since then. Today, I am a parent and though I am aware that children will always find their own way in which to have fun, grow and get to know who they are in this world, I realize that the differences in the time in which we live makes it so much more difficult for many to succeed in a way so many of us were able too from a previous era. Firstly, they don't have the same uninhibited freedoms that we enjoyed. Today's parents are a very worried bunch. Most of us wont allow our children to disappear from our eye-sights...we feel that once they are home they are safe. If we can't reach them on the phone we have immediate cardiac arrests. Our responsibilities are greater that our parents were, so we are more stressed. Even when we think we are having fun, our minds are still trying to solve some problem somewhere in our lives. Our children's needs and wants are greater.....they are not easily satisfied. They are also more likely to be at home, in their rooms, alone in their own worlds or a virtual world. Spending time on neighborhood streets is a almost unheard off....with all the new projects being created, do we see children playing in playgrounds or on their neighbourhood streets? Their connection to each other has become virtual....and in the virtual world do we realize how they let down their inhibitions and allow themselves to do things which would make us cringe. How many young people can actually plan their own little hike to the sea or search for mountain streams without adult supervision and be trusted to do the right thing. What games do our children when they are off the school yard. Have we taken the time to teach them any we remember? Are we encouraging them to get away from the tv, the pc or the bb long enough to connect on a human level with friends and family. Do we really care if they do?

I have listened to, and read other peoples views of what can be done to change things but I honestly think that at the root of it all is that there is a lack of available time and patience on the part of today's adult....yesterday's youth....'We' of a different generation! We don't have the time to really do what would be needed to make a difference, to put out the effort to mold and teach the children and the youth a different way, a new way! If, we look at ourselves honestly we don't have the time....we are busy working, and when we are not working we want to relax, have a drink at a bar, go to a party, go to the gym, to church, a meeting, a festival or watch a favorite show on tv....we earned it....We want to be on the internet connecting with our friends from yesteryear too.....we have to cook and clean and do a number of other things that keeps us from looking and seeing and teaching the youth but yes, we have time to criticize and talk and we know all that needs to be done but the reality is that for almost all of us we really don't have the time to do what really needs to be done.

I grew up in a simpler time and I suddenly miss it!

Save our children

I attended the funeral of a girlfriend's firstborn son! A tall, handsome dark skinned boy, who would have turned nineteen in a few months. A quiet boy who was shot down...I don't want to say it like this, but, for want of better words... 'like a dog'.... in the streets. My eyes welled up as I looked at my friend, his mother, dressed in black, looking so forlorn, lost! I felt her pain, for there but by the grace of God go I! Too many mothers are burying their children today! Seems like there is a war among our boys and maybe even our girls. I pause, to wonder, when and how did 'we' allow this madness to happen. How was this disconnect created! I looked at the faces of the young men who attended the funeral, I wondered about their lives, what do they endure. I saw the presence of the police and military. I heard that an opposing group had attempted to disturb the funeral because the boy was from a different zone....the church was supposedly in the blue zone and he was allegedly associated with the red zone....I felt somewhat nervous both in the church and in the cemetery,as someone pointed out to me a group of young men in black who had red scarves in their pockets....is this really happening in these islands...am I in a fr...gin movie? I try to tell myself this can't be happening in these islands, but what I felt today must be what is being felt every time a young person is gunned down...the difference for me, is that, finally, it has hit very close to home....my former neighbors child, grandchild, niece, my friend's child, my daughter's playmate, my baby's playmate father...yes, he left behind a son and a 'bun in the oven'....I looked at the young girl with a slightly protruding belly and tears welled up again....I don't know her, she seemed okay on the outside, but who knows!

So my question is how do we save our children from this wave of violence that has infiltrated our islands....I know we have discussed this before in other blogs, but really, is there a way to help this young generation? How do I tell my child not to 'lime' in certain areas....for this is what happened....this boy liked to 'lime' on a particular corner, with his friends...but he lived with his mom, who was just a wee bit late in picking him up that evening....it was approximately 7.30pm.....a drive-by shooting spree caused this death! So are any of us safe? Are our children safe? How do we save them? We must save them somehow!

May already!

Gosh, how they year 2010 have flown...I haven't spent one minute blogging! What a shame! The thought have come and gone and I just didnt make the time to sit and do this!

January was tough.....My car went into the shop, late January with a blown head gasket and a bad radiator....the I was told that my rent was going to be raised starting Feraury 1st, at the end of January, by my landlord, who was unhappy that I was making pottery in a small space in his yard, to the fact that I had to tell his 'kiss my arse' and immediately started house hunting which was a success. Now I am housed in a comfortable three bedroom house with a nice yard, lots of fruit bearing trees and plus I have started gardening.

Febuary saw me house hunting and walking and catching rides in other peoples cars and jumping on those buses which fly all over the island. That was indeed an experience. I eventually got into a rhythm of doing these activities.

March saw me moving and settling into my new digs!

April has ended and I am have a feeling that I am on the brink of finding my way into myself again.

December remember!

It's December again. A time which brings up all kinds of thoughts in ones mind. As the holidays loom one can't help but return to, not just the immediate past, but whole past. What is it about this time that makes one feel this way. I reflect on the saying 'December remember'.

I am remembering.....

my childhood with my sisters...our innocence

I am remembering a first boyfriend buying me a gift...was it chocolates. HIs face is long faded and I don't remember his name.

I am remembering school, friends and end of term exams.

baking cakes and opening gifts...the longing for Barbie doll or a Mandy comic.

Then my mind goes to the awful things that happened in my life. I begin to feel depression setting in.

I look at my children, with me, in this small apratment that I have chosen to live in. I say it's for while, but Christmas is coming. Where do I put a tree...do I even need a tree... I didnt grow up with any tree....so no tree...at least not yet. Maybe I will pick a branch of a causarina tree.

I am remembering last years Christmas, when my son came from Canada with his girlfriend and my house was full. My children were around me in that big old house. This year will be different, my eldest will be staying up North.

I am remembering Christmases spent in big family gatherings with my ex-husband, my/our children and his family. I remember enjoying preparing for that day. Lots of gifts being exchanged. These were times I will cherish.

I remember other exes...boyfriends, who shared the holidays with me....

I remember some girlfriends, like my former roommate, how we were like family...like sisters, we said 'sisters in spirit'

I am remembering my Christmases spent in Dominica. My sisters coming home and I going home to join them. I felt really good great about being home for Christmas. Maybe that's what should happen...we should all go home for Christmas...in a perfect world maybe....

I have created my own home, so has my sisters and brother. I remember my mother, alive and well in Dominica..I wonder, what does she remember....about this time of year....I try not to think about what it feels like to be alone...for her to be alone.

Life goes on.....inhale......exhale....inhale...exhale.

I give thanks, I have my girls with me! Like Stara now insisting I leave the computer NOW! She want to bather.